the notebook

Is this really love? 

i have to say hollywood films really annoy me. they make lust out to be love and romance cheap. you watch and get totally drawn into the film that you are brought to tears and hoping that mcdreamy will come and sweep you off your feet. but then comes the reality check. the world doesn't work like that. love is not just a picnic by the lake, a ride in a canoe, kisses and sex. love = commitment. that's right ladies and gentleman. it's not just physical intimacy. you'd never hear the words 'oh i don't love you anymore.... i love HIM' *runs off into the sunset* like in the notebook or any other movie that seems to condone it. i'm tired of fighting against the disgusting filth that we are fed daily. whether it be at uni, work, tv, newspapers whatever. maybe my motto should be - "don't forget to spew", so these lies don't stay like tar at the pit of my stomach making me feel ill. 

i admit i have commitment issues. i also have a warped perception of love myself , which i acknowledge. but then i also know what love is. i have experienced love and i know that there is something so much more wholesome in the real thing. jesus is my true example. i remember thinking about love and wondering "HOW ON EARTH DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE FOR REAL?" I had just come out of a very difficult relationship breakdown and couldn't get what to do next, and how things could be so painful through betrayal, disloyalty and all the rest of it... but then reality hit me. As it does. BAM! What happened with Jesus? Now here's a man totally dedicated to God who in every bit of his nature cared for the poor, loved and repaired the broken hearted, healed the sick. but his friends abandoned him when he truly needed him - he hadn't done anything to deserve it. he wasn't selfish like i can often be, or proud, or defensive. he just took it in his stride. he was silent when crowds accused him, bashed him and then when he did speak as he was slowly dying... he said 'forgive them'. now that is what I call love. true love. whole hearted 100 percent now and forever Love. 

Sometimes I feel like such a little girl in His arms

now i know no one can compare to love of Jesus. which is probably for the best as i wouldn't want to run after them instead. but what i love most about being in a relationship with a man who loves me wholeheartedly. is that he loves me personally. not just 'he loves the whole world' yes yes i know that. but he loves ME. i had a vision a while ago. where i was dancing at a night club with this sleazy mcdreamy guy and then this strong presence of a man was just standing right there next to us. I turned my glance and there was this guy just waiting... the other guy looks at him and was a little confused but then just kind of glanced at me and then him and pretty had the look of 'meh you can have her' and walked away. so Jesus (who i couldnt really see his face) stepped in, took me by the hand and danced with me slowly and said 'i love you'. now this was possibly the most precious dream i have experienced. Jesus didn't want me going for some drop kick that i met at a nightclub that only wanted my body for the night - he wanted me to experience the true love that comes with respect, honesty, patience, loyalty, and commitment.

so instead of watching stupid hollywood films and dreaming of my man, i want to actually live in the company of my man every day - and that man is Jesus.