what a year...

This year has been quite exhausting. A whirlwind of emotions. I started off the year well with lots of fun activities like canoeing, wind surfing, surfing, camping, jumping off cliffs and rocks... probably one of my favourite summers. I made new friends and seemed to have perspective change a little throughout the year. 

In terms of uni, I didn't stop since my first break in march, as I did spring & summer courses overseas (which were amazing experiences)... but it didn't necessarily give me the motivation to continue to be 'academic' and also i didn't have as much time to see my friends. 

I'll be interesting to see what next year offers... 

Oceania Internship

So, I'm off to fiji for an internship - and thus will not be manning this blog (even though I haven't written much anyway due to exams) but I will have another blog that I will be writing in weekly about Fiji. So if you do occasionally visit here... then you can check out my blog at: 

http://internships.typepad.com/cynthia_johnson/ 

Over and out. 

stalker

okay so it was funny for a night... and then to have this 'prank caller' call me the next day and mimick me: the conversation went something like this "hello"... "hello", "hi?"... "hi?", "sorry who is this?"... "your best friend".

this was actually getting freaky. i was driving and so hung up.. and they called back later that afternoon and my mate picked up the phone instead of me and hung up, and so then they called back FIVE times after that with me ignoring the phone and not picking up.

I don't want want this to get to me, but... i can't help but think of horror movies and being stalked. eek!

prank

So i got prank called today... by some random with an accent (or put on) wanting me to sing a song - apparently they must have been really bored. but as i was having a bluh day and was actually feeling like some entertainment i actually maintained a bit of a conversation before just getting fed up and going to bed. weird! random people call you in the middle of the night and make your night funny when you are feeling down. thanks random prank caller - i hope i made your night too by not hanging up straight away!

let your hair out and go wild

i chose the title "bite my tongue" because my LOUD & enthusiastic (also termed: hyper) demeanor leads to a variety of different reactions. many people who feel the need to squash this side of me. i hear phrases like - "calm down", "keep your voice down" or "relax" - these get old quick. in fact they spoil the atmosphere. i admit, at times, these comments may be granted (ie. if kids are sleeping, or the subject matter is not for public ears). but most of the time they are expressed 'cause people are so concerned of what others think of them and don't want to be embarrassed. all i can say is: don't fret - i'm the one who will get the odd looks!


okay, so you may be thinking. what hold up? its YOU that has the problem everyone else is NORMAL. this may be the case. so maybe i am just bored of aussies 'laid back' attitude that assumes when you're excitable its 'cause you're either on drugs or smashed. why is it that i go to a karaoke bar & friends will only get join me when they've had one too many can't people just go a little crazy, have a bit of fun, forget about the world... LIKE ME? haha :P oh and another thing... i went to cirque mother africa last night. it starts with drums, dancing, singing...  and a girl runs onto stage with the loud cry "ARE YOU READY CANBERRA?" and then.. wait for it... *a few claps*. SERIOUSLY! way to dampen the mood and slow the momentum, huh? I annoyed myself as when i was about to stand up, i HESITATED and stayed in my seat?! ahhh.. common people - lets scream and get happy every so often (other than just about a  footy final win or the world cup!) its like i have to travel across the globe to actually be able to let loose dance in the street, sing loud and have some fun.

chris sent me this link tonight which i wanted to share with you all and hope you enjoy it. i couldn't help but laugh and secretly somewhat relate. this girl knew what an awesome party was and knew how to get excited!! okay its 4am. time for bed.  but my message to the world. LIGHTEN UP. LET GO A LITTLE. AND COME PARTY WITH ME... please :)  (http://video.aol.ca/video-detail/saturday-night-live-skit-surprise-party/72057658936783856)

I'm so freakin' excited!

the notebook

Is this really love? 

i have to say hollywood films really annoy me. they make lust out to be love and romance cheap. you watch and get totally drawn into the film that you are brought to tears and hoping that mcdreamy will come and sweep you off your feet. but then comes the reality check. the world doesn't work like that. love is not just a picnic by the lake, a ride in a canoe, kisses and sex. love = commitment. that's right ladies and gentleman. it's not just physical intimacy. you'd never hear the words 'oh i don't love you anymore.... i love HIM' *runs off into the sunset* like in the notebook or any other movie that seems to condone it. i'm tired of fighting against the disgusting filth that we are fed daily. whether it be at uni, work, tv, newspapers whatever. maybe my motto should be - "don't forget to spew", so these lies don't stay like tar at the pit of my stomach making me feel ill. 

i admit i have commitment issues. i also have a warped perception of love myself , which i acknowledge. but then i also know what love is. i have experienced love and i know that there is something so much more wholesome in the real thing. jesus is my true example. i remember thinking about love and wondering "HOW ON EARTH DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE FOR REAL?" I had just come out of a very difficult relationship breakdown and couldn't get what to do next, and how things could be so painful through betrayal, disloyalty and all the rest of it... but then reality hit me. As it does. BAM! What happened with Jesus? Now here's a man totally dedicated to God who in every bit of his nature cared for the poor, loved and repaired the broken hearted, healed the sick. but his friends abandoned him when he truly needed him - he hadn't done anything to deserve it. he wasn't selfish like i can often be, or proud, or defensive. he just took it in his stride. he was silent when crowds accused him, bashed him and then when he did speak as he was slowly dying... he said 'forgive them'. now that is what I call love. true love. whole hearted 100 percent now and forever Love. 

Sometimes I feel like such a little girl in His arms

now i know no one can compare to love of Jesus. which is probably for the best as i wouldn't want to run after them instead. but what i love most about being in a relationship with a man who loves me wholeheartedly. is that he loves me personally. not just 'he loves the whole world' yes yes i know that. but he loves ME. i had a vision a while ago. where i was dancing at a night club with this sleazy mcdreamy guy and then this strong presence of a man was just standing right there next to us. I turned my glance and there was this guy just waiting... the other guy looks at him and was a little confused but then just kind of glanced at me and then him and pretty had the look of 'meh you can have her' and walked away. so Jesus (who i couldnt really see his face) stepped in, took me by the hand and danced with me slowly and said 'i love you'. now this was possibly the most precious dream i have experienced. Jesus didn't want me going for some drop kick that i met at a nightclub that only wanted my body for the night - he wanted me to experience the true love that comes with respect, honesty, patience, loyalty, and commitment.

so instead of watching stupid hollywood films and dreaming of my man, i want to actually live in the company of my man every day - and that man is Jesus. 

bite my tongue

i acknowledge it is important to bite your tongue at times. yet, i think sometimes we can remain silent about things we should really speak up about. i need an outlet for my thoughts, generally they end up on my friends lap without them wanting it. so instead ive decided to write it down. explode and pour out my feelings. or just plain rant. so i wanna use this blog spot to give me the ability to place my thoughts into a logical order. and if people want to read it they can choose to voluntarily.

a moment

I stop breathing.  

Hoping to hear in the stillness.

In search for a sound. 

But nothing comes. 

My eyes water. 

Pressure amounting in my lungs.

 Turning my cheeks a fiery red.

And my green eyes foggy.

My teeth remain clenched.

As my lips slowly part.

I swallow. 

Forcing myself into the black.

But it is then that I feel it. 

The rhythm.

The silent murmur and repetition.

And I relax for a moment. 

And in that gesture let go.

Not in a desperate rush

or sudden defeat.

But a realization.

He deserves more.