idiot.

sometimes i really wish i would actually bite my tongue. today is that day.

books and revelation

don't you love it when you pick up a book/books and it just hits exactly what you're going through. well thats been for me this week. i've been having a rough few days and so picked up a book to read called "a daughters dream" and another book which i can't remember the name and both have helped to a degree. 


one is about a girl who is lost in the world - which is kind of where i'm at at the moment. trying to find my place here. i sat in a seminar with a bunch of graduates spouting off their achievements and their successes and how they were there because it was something they were passionate about. do i dare to dream and hope one day i too will get my dream job. i wish i had a simple "doctor"/"teacher" kind of degree... but instead i do one that involves competing against the masses, little money, and a lot of volunteering. for me who hates making decisions and generally likes to stick to something once she's there... this is making the whole applying thing a little difficult. 


the other book talked about how we find it hard to love others, when we can't love ourselves. but seriously... how do you love yourself without being egotistical or arrogant? i know i hit myself pretty hard sometimes, but to be honest i deserve it. i have stuffed up in many decisions but i'm the only one to blame. i hate the fact i've lashed out at others for the sole reasson that  i've been angry at myself and needed an outlet. 


anyway... the books have been good. made me get into action in some areas of my life. 

Letters...

getting back into letter writing. i love pen pals :) my cousin even gave me some of her BATMAN stationary.

i went looking for stationary in the shops yesterday and i was disappointed to find a lack there of!

therefore, a day is planned of craft making. envelopes made out of paper bags and letters with magazine cut outs....

just a little excited :)

stepping stones

ive tried to write here many times, yet with no inspiration. but todays different. im looking out my window at the misty hills w red & white flowers cluttering the trees. im listening to progressive african music & drinking my tea with a book on overseas missions next to me - and then i begin to write...

my minds been tossing & turning the last few weeks and ive once again begun to declutter my life - getting rid of clothes and dropping them off at op shops to discover new clothes i need for only $5 - $10 each. i love the feeling of helping others, recycling and a really good bargain, which all comes in the one purchase! definitely trumps walking 'round shopping malls with claustrophobic consumerism filling the air. i get so drained when shopping at malls. instead i love the little alternative home grown shops that prop up around the place on sidewalks. here you can go and talk to the owners, hear there story, and then step out into fresh crisp air. i dare say i am romanticizing this (a little bit) but it beats white tiled floors, rude people, and same-old skanky clothing. i am going on another shop today this time with my beautiful friend fiona. hopefully we can have some fun and get a bargain!


alongside decluttering of clothing, i'm trying to declutter my mind. this takes much more energy as i find the same old negative thoughts seem to prop into my head daily or even past memories i care to forget. i have a habit of smashing myself and others about how crap we live out our lives. this  has made me quite a negative and judgemental person - which i desperately want to change.


i love being around really positive people who change your perspective to look at life brighter despite the horror that eclipses the world every day. i went onto a website today which was meant to be a place to download some progressive african music (for free & legal yay) and there was an ad with a chick sitting there with big boobs and the slogan reading "russian girls love americans, she's sexy, funny, outgoing - want a perfect life with a perfect wife". REVOLTING! i cant deny my feeling of disgust at men who actually buy into these lies, but at the same time feeling sorry for them.  *perfect wife* you wish, *perfect life* even more of a fantasy. not to mention i bet the russian chick loaths the americans who do buy into this.


i have been reading "The Johns" by Victor Malerek - which I recommend everyone to read... and he speaks up about these girls. who sign up for a job in the thought that they are signing up for nannying or something of the kind - and then realised that they are victims of sex trafficking. so many people from eastern europe are being enslaved daily because men demand sex at there beck and call! it SICKENS me. http://news.change.org/stories/victor-malarek-blames-men-for-proliferation-of-sex-trade [an interview with Victor Malerek]

The only thing that gives me any hope is really that I believe in a God more powerful than the money hungry people who enslave them. Jesus can save these victims of abuse. But i often fail to pray for the hurting... and i have to remind myself to continue to see hope and trust that there is life outside of this world too. man i am getting morbid. but don't get me wrong i hope not just to pray for God to act, but to get alongside him and to act out and speak out for these girls who are often killed for refusing to obey the desires of a client. so if you don't know much about this... then get informed. it will shock and sadden you, but make you angry enough to move forward. i watched this video a friend showed me yesterday and it gives a message of hope - about those who experience and hear of people in harsh situations and are changed...